#TalkBiz: Dealing with difficult people

The #TalkBiz theme continues today with a look at communicating with awkward people.

In my experience of business most people are reasonably easy to communicate with.

Some are an absolute joy, and just occasionally you’ll meet someone who is a nightmare.

So how far is it worth trying to go in dealing with difficult people?

Isn’t it interesting how a silence on the other end of the phone can clearly tell you whether someone is thinking over what you’ve just said, or simply rejecting it out of hand?

I’ve just had this experience, fortunately not in business, but regarding an issue I’m trying to resolve for my parents, and I was taken aback by how much those silences communicated.

Dealing with difficult people is an inevitable part of running a business, and a knack that’s really handy to learn. My partner A is a coach who’s accredited to work with Insights Discovery personal profiles, and I’ve had a couple of profiles done over the years, which have helped a lot.

Your profile provides a lot of information on how you operate, including how you communicate. It’s an eye-opener too about the way other people behave and makes you realise that usually they aren’t deliberately trying to make your life harder, they’re just different.

For example, I once had a boss with a very high preference for red (go-getting) energy who was unable to comprehend that the whole team wasn’t instantly convinced when she had one of her brilliant ideas. It was impossible to discuss any doubts without being perceived as letting the side down, which was bad for morale and team spirit.

On the other hand, I’ve known people who are so high on green (supportive) energy that they never got much done because they were so concerned that everyone should be fully behind them and not negatively affected in any way.

Once you understand how people are functioning it takes a lot of conflict out of the situation, and you can immediately see how you might adapt your natural approach when you communicate with them.

But occasionally you’ll come across someone who is just downright unreasonable. My sister has had years of experience of dealing with difficult people and situations in the police and she says, ‘The trouble with unreasonable people is that they have a knack of making you feel unreasonable.’

So true, you can waste lots of time tying yourself up in knots regretting what you’ve said and thinking of ways to try and get through to them. They can start to dominate your thoughts and make you feel miserable.

The more you try to be tolerant the more outrageous their behaviour becomes. And in fact they will be unreasonable whatever you do or say, so I’ve concluded that the only way of dealing with difficult people like that is to have as little to do with them as you can, and if possible cut them out of your life.

No need to make a fuss, or pander to their need for drama by being rude or falling out, just politely refuse to engage and put as much distance as you can between you.

Not easy where clients are concerned, but if you feel you have tried everything, bent over backwards and they are still making unreasonable demands, then ending your business relationship might be much more valuable for your peace of mind than the amount they contribute to your business account.

I did this a couple of times when I was running my cleaning business, and each time it was a difficult decision, but it didn’t have the dire consequences we often fear when we consider turning down work. And in fact, when I ended the contract with one of my biggest clients, who had been taken over by an organisation with a different culture, another even bigger client approached me within a few weeks and were straightforward to deal with.

What is your experience of dealing with difficult people? Do you have a strategy or do you agree that sometimes it’s best just to withdraw?